Is my clip a lemon?

Got it out of package.  Will not charge on either my laptop(tried 3 diff ports) or my desktop.  what the hell.

Was the laptop plugged into AC power when you tried to charge the player? Did you use a rear USB port

on the desktop? Did the computers recognize the player? Perhaps the cable is defective. Do you have a spare cable you can try? The Clip uses a standard cable. if the player was recognized, then keep it connected a long time to charge. The first charge might take quite long.

It seems that a lot of Clips have problem with charging or recognizing by computer. I had the same problem and I did this :
Navigate to Settings > USB Mode > Make sure “MSC” is checked.

Then you could try this:

Unplug the USB cable, lock the device, push the round button in the middle of the player, and while holding it, plug in again the USB cable.