Back on topic . . .
This is just soooooo wrong!
The World’s Most Perfect Food
Despite this rather dubious claim, the website for this product is quite amusing. Some highlights are:
- a fully cooked 100% bacon paste that could be squeezed from a tube. Blecch! Careful not to confuse it with the tub & tile caulking, since you probably won’t be able to taste the difference.
- this delicious delectable from Sweden has finally been brought over to the USA. Thanks, I didn’t know we had been waiting for it.
- now with American Flavor! What exactly do Americans taste like?
- it’s rumored ABBA met while eating Squeez Bacon® sandwiches. After which, they undoubtedly wrote the #1 song ‘S.O.S.’ It sure as hell couldn’t have been ‘Gimme Gimme Gimme’!
- IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad (we’ve heard) never travels without a case! A case of indigestion and acid reflux!
- You can put it on sandwiches, pizza, pastas, bacon, soups. Note the 4th suggestion.
- Each serving is as healthy as real bacon. That’s not saying a helluva lot.
- even eat it right out of the tube like we do! Yeah, do you brush your teeth with it too?
- Bottled in Sweden, made from U.S. bred swine. Why? Swedish pigs don’t know how to breed?
And, for a more realistic looking plating, the dispenser cap has a flat opening, so it squeezes out in a wide ribbon shape. Mmmmm, boy! Squeeze me out another couple strips 'o bacon paste please, Mommy! They’ll go perfect with my Egg-beaters fake eggs & artificially orange-flavored Tang!
Excuse me, but I think I need a Rolaids now.